Manspeak

SELF-CONTROL?

Is this the kind of self-control we need?

By Walt Alexander

Is self-control merely bodybuilding?
Is it merely about training your body and possessing absolute control of it?
Is it merely about who has the biggest bench press and who can do the most push-ups?

Before it can begin anywhere else or before it can have significant impact on any other area of your life, self-control must take root in your relationship with God. Really, our relationship with God is often one of the most neglected areas of our lives. We can succeed in going to church, going to bible study, and going to various other events, but our lives alone can be totally different. We often have little or no self-control with the spiritual disciplines. We are often wallowing in laziness and apathy.

Here’s my brief history in this area:

A couple of years ago, about a year after I had gotten saved, I seriously lacked self-control. I loved the Lord and I loved to read. But I could not get up in the morning to meet with him. In those days, I had one of ascending alarms that gets louder and louder with every beep. Because I was either deaf or lazy or both, it would take me forever to get out of bed to turn it off. Many days my Asian roommate (won’t be my last either!), Andy Young, would end of screaming at me or beating on the wall in sync with the alarm. Sometimes, someone would come from another room in the house to turn the alarm off. My entire, daily life was formed around my laziness.

Also, I remember, soon thereafter, I was talking with Kevin Shipp about how I could not possibly take 8am summer school classes because it would be way too early but commenting on how I really needed these classes in order to graduate. He, being the friend that he is, remarked something like, “That’s ridiculous. You need to get up and get to work.” Looking back, this was a pivotal moment of my life. I had to choose whether to serve my lazy lifestyle or to be productive, work hard, and get things done. This moment immensely served my relationship with God, because I began to consistently seek Him in the morning. I only pray I may grow to be more and more disciplined and self-controlled. The point is: there is much hope.

So, how can we cultivate self-control in meeting with God?

Here are a few thoughts (in no particular order):

Remind yourself that reading the Bible is the primary way to know God. Romans 10:17 reads, “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ.” We must read, read, read to know Him. Think about this. We have a source of true knowledge of the holy, all-knowing, all-powerful God. 

Go to bed early. As Howard Varnedoe has said, “The battle for the morning is won the night before.” Obnoxiously simple, but definitely true.

Set a reasonable but earlier time to get up to read. Though the Bible never says “you must read me in the morning,” in my experience and the experiencing of many, many others, the morning is the best time to read. It is when all is silent and the cries of the coming day cannot be heard (or at least can still be silenced).

Have a reading plan. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but know where you are turning each morning. The Bible roulette is no incentive to get up.

Have a place. If you don’t identify a place beforehand, it is extremely easy to place it on the backburner. Also, go to the same place consistently is very helpful, but hard for college vagabonds to do.

It’s happened to every guy at least a million times. You’re walking through the office, or on campus, or in a shopping mall and it never fails. No, I’m not talking about bladder or bowel disorders (though those are things near and dear to my heart to discuss), and I’m not talking about the sudden urge to tear your shirt and fight for the freedom of oppressed people and to win the heart of a woman. I’m talking about those awkward interactions that take place when you see someone you know in passing.

How can we bust through the weirdness and the almost complete lack of genuine communication in those few seconds that we exchange broken cliché phrases in a pathetic attempt to meet some type of social protocol? I mean, in those moments, what we really want to say is, “Hi. I acknowledge your presence. I am glad we know each other, but I need to get to my destination, post haste. I hope you are doing well, but I just don’t have time to engage you in any type of meaningful conversation. Please understand that had we seen each other in different circumstances, I would be more than happy to engage in a fifteen to twenty minute conversation that would serve both of our souls. But, for now, shut up, walk away and get something done.”

In those few seconds you just don’t have the time to communicate all of that. I am not quite sure how to remedy this problem, but I do know that the typical “What’s up?”, “Yo!”, “How’s it going?” “Word up, bro!”, or “What it is, my brother?” does not work. I mean, most of the typical greetings in those few seconds either communicate very vaguely what you really want to say or open up the door for too long of a conversation. There is nothing worse than a “How’s it going?” to be misinterpreted as the beginning of a conversation by the person you are greeting! Then you have to figure out a way to cut the conversation short or end up counseling someone through 20 years of family and personal problems. There has to be a better way!

Please respond with suggestions for a solution to this problem. What should we say? How should we say it? How can you communicate your heart in just a few seconds?

by Jonathan Oldacre

Eric Simmons, a pastor at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD, posted this excellent article entitled “Pray.” Excellent stuff!

By Jonathan Oldacre

You may have seen this before, but I’m sure there’s enough of you who haven’t to warrant this post. One of our heroes, John Piper, uses this “IOUS acronym… almost every day in praying for those [he] love[s].” It’s a great way to begin your time with God in the morning, or to guide your prayers for those you love as well. If you’re anything like me, you usually wake up dulled, inclined to yourself, the eyes of your heart are clouded, your thoughts are pulled in a thousand directions, and you can often lack satisfaction in God prior to meeting with Him in the morning. I usually pray this before my time with God daily, and I receive immeasurable benefits as God answers these prayers by His grace for His glory:

“1. Ask God to give you an Inclination to his Word (Psalm 119:36)

2. Ask God to Open your eyes to see wonderful things when you read his Word (Psalm 119:18)

3. Ask to have your heart United in the fear of God rather than fragmented over a dozen concerns (Psalm 86:11)

4. Ask to be Satisfied in his steadfast love (Psalm 90:14).”

Enjoy the riches of grace that await!

(Adapted from this artcle by Dr. Piper)

by Travis Maples 

1)      Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by J.I. Packer – because it’s by J.I. Packer and because I have seldom felt more encouraged and full of faith to evangelize than after I have been reminded of what both my role and what the role of the Holy Spirit is in evangelism.  It frees you from the burden you were never meant to carry, namely changing men’s hearts and saving their souls.

2)      Tell the Truth by Will Metzger —though it might not be as easy of a read as the others, it is needed in our day since there have been so many attempts to blunt or smooth over the rough edges our message.  People need to hear, as Metzger says, the “bite of their condition”.  He urges the sharing of the whole gospel to the whole person. 

3)      Speaking of Jesus by Mack Styles – because he brings decades of experience to the table.  His book is packed with personal stories of what evangelism looks like in everyday life and, after all, that’s where you and I are.  It’s essential to get a firm foundation in the theology that under girds action (which are what the first two are good for).  But once we learn the foundational truths, it’s so helpful to hear about the actual down and dirty, nitty-gritty, messy application.  He helps us learn how to turn conversations to Jesus.

4)      Questioning Evangelism by Randy Newman – why?  Because, though I haven’t read but a quarter of it, I know we don’t put fluff in our book store at church and if that doesn’t suffice, my pastor recommends it!

Also, here are Mark Dever’s and CJ Mahaney’s recommended reading lists for evangelism.

Mark Dever

1)      Tell the Truth by Will Metzger

2)      Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by J.I. Packer

3)      Speaking of Jesus by Mack Styles

CJ Mahaney

1)      Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by J.I. Packer

2)      The Gagging of God by D.A. Carson

3)      Gospel and
Mission in the Writings of Paul by P.T. Obrien

Has anyone else read these books?  If so, I would like to hear what you think about them.

by Mike Plewniak

From Bob Kauflin: “This video captures one of the highlights of the WorshipGod06 Conference hosted by Sovereign Grace Ministries this past August. Ryan Ferguson shared a memorized dramatic presentation of Hebrews 9 and 10 from the ESV Bible. The power of God’s Word came through in a fresh, compelling way”

(HT: Bob Kauflin at WorshipMatters)

by Mike Plewniak

The Manspeak blog just surpassed the 10,000 hits marker. Thanks for coming by and reading our posts. We really hope it serves you well. I know that I’ve been encouraged reading about leadership, being a servant, and how to determine the correct amount of cologne.

On another news note, one of the manspeak bloggers, Walt Alexander, was recently featured in his hometown newspaper. It’s an article about Walt’s salvation, about his deceptive life before Christ, and a great testimony to the amazing grace of God. You can check it out at “http://www.heraldonline.com/109/story/9175.html”.

Thanks for coming to Manspeak! And please let us know if you have any ideas of how we can serve you better.

By Walt Alexander

As leaders, we must be self-controlled. We must not be tossed to and fro by the desires of our body and our deceitful hearts. We must be men of faith, different than the men of the world. We must steadfast and controlled. So, over the next couple weeks, I will strive to give some practical ways to cultivate self-control.

Why be self-controlled? Why be self-governed?
We want to be self-controlled because we want to live for Jesus. We want to magnify Him with our lives. We want to honor him with our lips and our lives. At the cross, we were set free from slavery (Rom 6:1-10; Gal 3:1). He died in our place, receiving the just punishment for all of our sins and freeing us from slavery to those sins. Therefore, we must not be a slave to anything because we have been set free! We want to be self-controlled so that we can live for Jesus, magnify Jesus, and honor Jesus.

Also, we want to be self-controlled because we want to have true, substantive joy. This is only found in Jesus. The joy of the world in excess and indulgence is a thin, weak joy that leads to eternity in hell. But the joy of Jesus in self-control is deep, massive, eternal joy.

Look at Psalm 16:11.

You make known to me the path of life;
In your presence there is fullness of joy;
At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Therefore, self-control is not an exchange for something less satisfying but for that which is most satisfying! It is the pursuit of “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forevermore” found in knowing God. There is no satisfaction that can compare.

Where do I need self-control?
As leaders, we must ruthlessly examine our lives to see where we lack control, to see where he is the least enslaved. We must examine our desires, our wants, our cravings, our “needs,” our relationships. Everything. We could be enslaved to anything. John Calvin once observed:

The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much.

So, it could be a something not inherently sinful used wrongly, like coffee, good food, alcohol, sex, exercise, television, computer games, any hobby, etc. Or, it could be something inherently sinful, like sex before marriage, debauchery (“excessive indulgence to sensual pleasures”), gluttony, stealing, lying, cussing, lust, pornography, laziness, etc.

We must search our lives for these things because they are idols - anything that competes with our passion for God. They compete with our worship of God. John Calvin points out:

The human heart is  a factory of idols….Everyone of us is, from his mother’s womb, expert in inventing idols.

Our hearts create idols all the time. We must not ask ourselves, “Do I have any idols?” But rather, “What are my idols?”

We must search our lives for the things that entice us. Where do you lack control? What is competing for your passion for God?

The good news
The good news is that God does not deal with us as our sins deserve (Ps 103:10). In Christ, he is quick to give mercy. And this does not just happen at our conversion but for the rest of your life. We identify the areas we lack control and are sinning against God, so that we can cry out for mercy and change to be more like Jesus!

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The John Calvin quotes came from a message entitled “The Idol Factory” given by C.J. Mahaney at Sovereign Grace Ministries’ 2000 New Attitude conference.

This past weekend, I had one of the most intense and wierd experiences ever. I have an older brother named John, whom I love very, very much. He is absolutely hysterical. He is not a Christian. Every time we get to gether as a family, I look forward to being around him and I always pray for an opportunity to talk about the gospel with him. This past weekend my family and I got together at a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN to celebrate an early Thanksgiving.

I got to the cabin late on Friday night, and almost immediately, my brother and I were engaged in an impassioned discussion on life, the past, God, the gospel, and a whole host of other topics that more or less were unrelated. I tried to explain my need and his need for a Savior because of our sin and that Jesus Christ is that one and only Savior. I know I probably could have communicated several things much better than I did: The meaning of Righteousness, the true nature of God’s grace, the joy of being forgiven and standing blameless before a holy God, etc, but here’s the point. We, as Christians, who are still waring against the sins of our flesh that remain kicking in our members, can crave a good thing, like a family member’s salvation, too much.

Here’s what happened: I had gone through great pains to help my brother understand that I am totally depraved in my natural state and that I need to be delivered from the wrath of God for my sin. He kept coming back with comments like, “Dude, you’re too hard on yourself, you’re a good guy.” and “If you aren’t a good guy, who is?!” In addition he made several contradictory comments about how sinful he was; walking the line that he was “way to sinful to be a good guy like me”, as if he could be too far off for God to slap him in the face and drag him out of his passionate sprint toward eternal wrath and fury. In my mind, this was an attack on the Holiness and Glory of God, thinking that man, a “good guy” like me, could live up to God’s uncompromising standard of perfection. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about me being a “good guy”, but about Christ being perfect and dying in my place and God counting to my credit His perfect life. I also tried to explain that any good character I might exhibit has a definitive and miraculous work of God in my heart at convesion as its grounds not something inherent in me or some ultra will power I had developed over the years.

But as I know, but didn’t choose to believe in that moment, God saves people, not us. I can’t make my brother repent and believe the gospel. I could explain it super clearly and answer every single one of my brother’s questions thouroughly, but if the Spirit of God doesn’t do something, no change will ever take place. But in the midst of our conversation, due to my gospel zeal that turned into sinful anger, the “poop” hit the fan! My brother went on to talk about how he had been really sinful in the past, but that now he was a much better person. This comment squeezed the sopping sponge of my heart so that the sin that was inside came boiling to the surface. Because I crave his salvation too much, and it appeared all my efforts were amounting to nothing, I lashed out in furious anger:

My brother and I were out on the porch on the side of the cabin. He was leaning on the rail and I was sitting down. He had been sipping on a coke and Cap. Morgan’s mix, which was sitting on the rail. After my brother made a comment about how he was doing better, I lost it, jumped up out of my seat, yelled, “That don’t mean [squat] before a Holy God, it don’t mean [squat]!!!” (Only I did not say “squat.” Yes, that’s right, I cursed while sharing the gospel. Just doesn’t make much sense does it?) Then, with a mixture of sin and adrenaline, I slapped the coke and rum glass with my hand. It immediately shattered. Before I even looked at my hand I knew I had really blown it. I looked at my hand and it was already pouring blood.

I ran into the cabin, threw my hand under the sink, and started barking orders about how I needed water and juice to drink, and we needed to go to the emergency room NOW! So, we woke my brother-in-law up and he drove us to the emergency room. By this time the adrenaline was all used up and my hand was hurting and bleeding like crazy. We went in, and they startd attending to my wound. Every nurse and doctor I talked to asked what happened, and I told them the whole story. I got some really wierd looks. Really wierd.

The cuts in my hand were long and deep. I had to have two internal and nine external stitches. OUCH! Let me say this, the worst part of an injury like that is the pain required to numb the area around your wound so that they can sew it up. Kinda ironic huh?

Needless to say, this gave some great laughs and awkward situations for the rest of the weekend. I also learned, by experience, something that I knew from scripture already. The saving of a soul happens by a secret and somewhat mysterious work of the Holy Spirit through the proclamation of the gospel. It DOES NOT happen by cursing and slapping a glass with your hand. Let this be a lesson to all of you as you plead with those you love to turn from their sin and trusting in their efforts to trusting in the finished work of Christ. Share the gospel consistently and with genuine passion, then pray. That’s our role in evangelism. We can’t change anyone’s heart, no matter how many glasses we shatter!

All was not a waste, however, I think any notion that I am a “good guy” has been obliterated from my brother’s mind. He knows I’m a big fat sinner, now. So, in future conversations, I can use that interaction to share the gospel again: “See, I am a huge sinner. I get angry, I break stuff and curse. But the good news is God crushed his Son for ALL my sin, and he now looks at me AS IF I perfectly obeyed all his law because of Jesus Christ. So, Booyah! Good news, huh?” We will screw up in evangelism all the time. Use your mistakes and your sin as an opportunity to exalt the Christian’s glory: We are weak, sinful, fickle, and stupid, but God saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but becuase of His great mercy. we boast in the cross, not in how much we have our act together.

Kevin=idiot