Manspeak

It’s happened to every guy at least a million times. You’re walking through the office, or on campus, or in a shopping mall and it never fails. No, I’m not talking about bladder or bowel disorders (though those are things near and dear to my heart to discuss), and I’m not talking about the sudden urge to tear your shirt and fight for the freedom of oppressed people and to win the heart of a woman. I’m talking about those awkward interactions that take place when you see someone you know in passing.

How can we bust through the weirdness and the almost complete lack of genuine communication in those few seconds that we exchange broken cliché phrases in a pathetic attempt to meet some type of social protocol? I mean, in those moments, what we really want to say is, “Hi. I acknowledge your presence. I am glad we know each other, but I need to get to my destination, post haste. I hope you are doing well, but I just don’t have time to engage you in any type of meaningful conversation. Please understand that had we seen each other in different circumstances, I would be more than happy to engage in a fifteen to twenty minute conversation that would serve both of our souls. But, for now, shut up, walk away and get something done.”

In those few seconds you just don’t have the time to communicate all of that. I am not quite sure how to remedy this problem, but I do know that the typical “What’s up?”, “Yo!”, “How’s it going?” “Word up, bro!”, or “What it is, my brother?” does not work. I mean, most of the typical greetings in those few seconds either communicate very vaguely what you really want to say or open up the door for too long of a conversation. There is nothing worse than a “How’s it going?” to be misinterpreted as the beginning of a conversation by the person you are greeting! Then you have to figure out a way to cut the conversation short or end up counseling someone through 20 years of family and personal problems. There has to be a better way!

Please respond with suggestions for a solution to this problem. What should we say? How should we say it? How can you communicate your heart in just a few seconds?

This past weekend, I had one of the most intense and wierd experiences ever. I have an older brother named John, whom I love very, very much. He is absolutely hysterical. He is not a Christian. Every time we get to gether as a family, I look forward to being around him and I always pray for an opportunity to talk about the gospel with him. This past weekend my family and I got together at a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN to celebrate an early Thanksgiving.

I got to the cabin late on Friday night, and almost immediately, my brother and I were engaged in an impassioned discussion on life, the past, God, the gospel, and a whole host of other topics that more or less were unrelated. I tried to explain my need and his need for a Savior because of our sin and that Jesus Christ is that one and only Savior. I know I probably could have communicated several things much better than I did: The meaning of Righteousness, the true nature of God’s grace, the joy of being forgiven and standing blameless before a holy God, etc, but here’s the point. We, as Christians, who are still waring against the sins of our flesh that remain kicking in our members, can crave a good thing, like a family member’s salvation, too much.

Here’s what happened: I had gone through great pains to help my brother understand that I am totally depraved in my natural state and that I need to be delivered from the wrath of God for my sin. He kept coming back with comments like, “Dude, you’re too hard on yourself, you’re a good guy.” and “If you aren’t a good guy, who is?!” In addition he made several contradictory comments about how sinful he was; walking the line that he was “way to sinful to be a good guy like me”, as if he could be too far off for God to slap him in the face and drag him out of his passionate sprint toward eternal wrath and fury. In my mind, this was an attack on the Holiness and Glory of God, thinking that man, a “good guy” like me, could live up to God’s uncompromising standard of perfection. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about me being a “good guy”, but about Christ being perfect and dying in my place and God counting to my credit His perfect life. I also tried to explain that any good character I might exhibit has a definitive and miraculous work of God in my heart at convesion as its grounds not something inherent in me or some ultra will power I had developed over the years.

But as I know, but didn’t choose to believe in that moment, God saves people, not us. I can’t make my brother repent and believe the gospel. I could explain it super clearly and answer every single one of my brother’s questions thouroughly, but if the Spirit of God doesn’t do something, no change will ever take place. But in the midst of our conversation, due to my gospel zeal that turned into sinful anger, the “poop” hit the fan! My brother went on to talk about how he had been really sinful in the past, but that now he was a much better person. This comment squeezed the sopping sponge of my heart so that the sin that was inside came boiling to the surface. Because I crave his salvation too much, and it appeared all my efforts were amounting to nothing, I lashed out in furious anger:

My brother and I were out on the porch on the side of the cabin. He was leaning on the rail and I was sitting down. He had been sipping on a coke and Cap. Morgan’s mix, which was sitting on the rail. After my brother made a comment about how he was doing better, I lost it, jumped up out of my seat, yelled, “That don’t mean [squat] before a Holy God, it don’t mean [squat]!!!” (Only I did not say “squat.” Yes, that’s right, I cursed while sharing the gospel. Just doesn’t make much sense does it?) Then, with a mixture of sin and adrenaline, I slapped the coke and rum glass with my hand. It immediately shattered. Before I even looked at my hand I knew I had really blown it. I looked at my hand and it was already pouring blood.

I ran into the cabin, threw my hand under the sink, and started barking orders about how I needed water and juice to drink, and we needed to go to the emergency room NOW! So, we woke my brother-in-law up and he drove us to the emergency room. By this time the adrenaline was all used up and my hand was hurting and bleeding like crazy. We went in, and they startd attending to my wound. Every nurse and doctor I talked to asked what happened, and I told them the whole story. I got some really wierd looks. Really wierd.

The cuts in my hand were long and deep. I had to have two internal and nine external stitches. OUCH! Let me say this, the worst part of an injury like that is the pain required to numb the area around your wound so that they can sew it up. Kinda ironic huh?

Needless to say, this gave some great laughs and awkward situations for the rest of the weekend. I also learned, by experience, something that I knew from scripture already. The saving of a soul happens by a secret and somewhat mysterious work of the Holy Spirit through the proclamation of the gospel. It DOES NOT happen by cursing and slapping a glass with your hand. Let this be a lesson to all of you as you plead with those you love to turn from their sin and trusting in their efforts to trusting in the finished work of Christ. Share the gospel consistently and with genuine passion, then pray. That’s our role in evangelism. We can’t change anyone’s heart, no matter how many glasses we shatter!

All was not a waste, however, I think any notion that I am a “good guy” has been obliterated from my brother’s mind. He knows I’m a big fat sinner, now. So, in future conversations, I can use that interaction to share the gospel again: “See, I am a huge sinner. I get angry, I break stuff and curse. But the good news is God crushed his Son for ALL my sin, and he now looks at me AS IF I perfectly obeyed all his law because of Jesus Christ. So, Booyah! Good news, huh?” We will screw up in evangelism all the time. Use your mistakes and your sin as an opportunity to exalt the Christian’s glory: We are weak, sinful, fickle, and stupid, but God saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but becuase of His great mercy. we boast in the cross, not in how much we have our act together.

Kevin=idiot

Bringing the ‘big picture’ of the gospel to bear on our lives destroys the self-sufficient, “grit my teeth” approach to putting off sin and growing in godliness. It moves us to pursue change in the context of our new identity in Christ.

Paul speaks about this in the 8th chapter of his letter to the Romans. He shows us where confidence for change in this life is to come from. He reminds us that:

- There is no condemnation from God for sin for those in Christ Jesus.
- We have been set free from the law of sin and death
- God has done what the law couldn’t do because of our weakness through His Son.
- God condemned sin in the flesh so that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk according to the Spirit
- In Christ, the Spirit now dwells in you. That amazing power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead is dwelling in you!
- God will give life to your mortal body now through that Spirit who dwells in you. The power of the resurrection is kicking around in your guts to give you new life and victory over sin. This is a big deal!
- By this Spirit we can: Put to death sin, have confidence that we are now sons and daughters of God, cry out to him like a small child cries out to his Daddy, understand and endure suffering for God’s glory, groan for the return of Christ to usher in the perfected kingdom of God where we will dwell with Him face to face, receive help in our present weaknesses, count on perfect intercession by the Spirit, that all things we face will work out for our good, that God will complete our salvation, we will be conformed to the image of Christ, and will one day be glorified when the Spirit’s work is done.
- God, who is the only Sovereign in this universe, is FOR you, and no longer against you.
- God did not spare His own Son for us, so we can be confident that He will provide for our every need.
- No one can bring charges against us before God, because He has justified us.
- We cannot be separated form the love of God in Christ.
- We are more than conquerors in this life through Him.

Paul understood the gospel, saw its power for this life and had confidence in the Spirit working in the lives of Christians; those in Christ. So, dig into God’s word, learn about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and all that it accomplished. Draw the connections to your life and struggles and see the Spirit of God do stuff. Change will happen because we have a big God who is passionate about His glory and because we are united with Christ, our good and growing in godliness is now bound up in that passionate Divine pursuit!

Kevin

PS - I want to clarify something about my hatred for cats. There is a big difference between cats and kittens that is founded in deep theological truth. Cats are a curse brought into creation as part of God’s response to human sin. But before the fall kittens did exist. They were a blessing in this world and were cute and cuddly. They moved Adam and Eve to worship God. Then the fall and the curse came. Instead of kittens staying the cute little compassionate and loyal fuzz balls, they turn into the evil, proud, demonic creatures that have ruined this world we live in. So, don’t hate the kittens. You may be thinking, “Well, Kevin, I agree that kittens are great because they are so much like dogs, and I also agree that cats are evil and a thorn in our sides, but when do you know a kitten has become a cat so that you can kill it before it ruins your life?” Please submit your ideas of how we can tell when a kitten becomes a cat. Next week I will post the right answer. Below are two pictures that clearly reveal the difference between kittens and cats.

Kitten: sweet, innocent, cuddly, cute

Cat: Evil, proud, demonic

This past weekend I drove to Nashville, TN to attend a friend’s wedding. The drive from Knoxville, TN to Nashville takes you across the Cumberland Plateau. As I was passing across the plateau, I got to enjoy one of the most beautiful and clear revelations of God; the autumn leaves. I was struck once again at how beautiful creation is! Psalm 19:1 - 2 says, “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge.” I was sitting around a campfire a few weeks ago at a campsite. It was starting to rain and the downpour started rustling the leaves surrounding us. An older gentleman leaned over to me and said, “Do you hear that?” I, being such a quick thinker asked, “Hear what?” The man said, “He’s speaking to you.” My very God-centered answer came, “Who’s speaking to me?” “God,” the man said. In my internal monologue, my immediate, self-righteous and spiritual-elitist response was, “Oh, that’s a cute thing to say, dude. I mean that’s true, but dude…Duh. Who does this guy think he is, some kind of a self-exalted sage of the creation order, put here to interpret for everyone the unique ways in which God is revealing himself to us moment by moment through this world? Get a life, buddy. Look, I’m Reformed. I read my bible, I know that stuff, geez, go waste your petty little ‘theological’ insights on some kid or something.” Of course the Spirit of God inside me immediately convicted me of my sin and I was able, by the grace of God, to repent of my pride, but this moment of seemingly “simple” insight came flooding back as I was driving this past weekend. The “petty” little observation the man made finally clicked! As I drove I was awestruck at the beauty of the trees and the fields. The bright reds, oranges, and yellows, contrasted by the blue sky and evergreens speckled through out were, in a sense, the speech of God saying, “Look, Kevin, I am an awesome God. I created all of these things, and I made them beautiful and a delight to look at because I am beautiful and delightful and good.” I was freshly reminded of how good God is. I was moved to recount all of the amazing gifts God has given me in life, even above and beyond salvation! (As if that weren’t amazing enough!) I mean, God is really, really, good! My pastor, Bill Kittrell, has spoken about the goodness of God revealed in creation. Think about this: God didn’t have to make food that would taste good. He didn’t have to make birds that sing beautiful songs. He didn’t have to make beautiful colors to saturate His creation, but he did. He didn’t have to make gorgeous sunsets, moonlit oceanscapes, or friendly and faithful pets like dogs, but He did. (An extremely important side note: You may have wondered why I didn’t mention cats when talking about God’s goodness. There is a very important theological reason for this. And that reason is that before Adam and Eve sinned, cats did not exist. God created cats after the fall. They are clearly part of the curse! So, when you see a cat, let them be a reminder of the hatred that God has for human sin. He hated our sin so bad that He had to demonstrate that by making such proud, worthless creatures to torment man until God finishes applying redemption to the whole creation order. This is an extremely important theological point to me. I WILL DIE ON THIS MOUNTAIN! I hate sin and I hate cats. I propose a man law: Men who love cats shouldn’t be able to have a job, vote, marry, or speak! ) In addition, God gave us His word in the Bible and we learn that He didn’t have to send a Savior to deliver us from the wrath we deserved for our rebellion, but He did! So, I would encourage you to take a few minutes during this time of year to enjoy the amazing revelation of God all around us and then move to contemplate the goodness and kindness that God has shown you. End by turning to God’s word and be reminded of the ultimate revelation of God’s goodness: Jesus Christ; His life, death, and resurrection! Then, go kill a cat! Peace.

Kevin

by Mike Plewniak,

The first 6 man law videos are now online. You can view them all on our MAN LAWS page.

If you were at VFC last week, you saw the first three installments of Manspeak’s Man Law Videos. Now, you’ll be able to watch them on the blog. We’ll be putting all the videos on our “MAN LAWS” page.

Also, on our MAN LAWS page you can post your best ideas for what you think should be classified as a “MAN LAW”.

Here is the intro video for those who have no idea what we are talking about:

This past Wednesday night, I did the unthinkable. I flushed my cell phone down the toilet. This is how it all went down: I had just arrived back at my house and I had “to go”. I must have been in some kind of temporary mental haze. When I leaned forward to flush the toilet, I heard a clank in the bowl. If I had been functioning at full mental capacity, which even that is not particularly impressive, I would have been immediately concerned with what I had just dropped in the bowl. But, no, a second went by before I came to my senses and asked myself, “What in the world just fell out of my jacket pocket into the toilet?” In a panic, I leapt back to the bowl just in time to see my cell phone spinning down the evacuative “hole of no return”. Without thinking, I thrust my hand in the whirling “liquid mixture” to retrieve my phone, only to feel the antenna slip through my fingers and go down the drain. I stood there laughing in disbelief. As the fresh water came pouring in after the toilet had sucked my phone away, my keys fell out of my other jacket pocket into the bowl. As is the case when something hits the water at any speed, a splash was produced that gave my face a lovingly “refreshing” cheek bath. I grabbed my keys from the bottom of the bowl, threw them on a towel, washed my face and hands (twice) and went to bed.

What makes this situation bearable and even laughable is the fact that God is exhaustively sovereign over His Creation. His will cannot be thwarted and it penetrates every single thing that happens. From the decision of kings to the random falling of the dice. God says is like this: “Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?” Lamentations 3:37-38. Also, “Our God is in the heavens, he does all that he pleases.” Psalm 115:3. And Job says of the LORD, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2. And “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.” Proverbs 21:1. And “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.” Proverbs 16:33

So, the things that come about by the most (seemingly) independent and absolute of wills, like a king’s will, are all under the sovereign hand of God, and the things that come about seemingly by chance are under the sovereign control of God as well. So, we would expect all things in between to be under his control too, especially when idiots flush cell phones down toilets.

I hope this encourages you other stupid men out there. Regardless of the things you face in life and the circumstances that tempt you to doubt God or to retreat back into fearful passivity, know that God is in control in this Universe, and His control isn’t thwarted by your failures or circumstances. In addition, IN CHRIST, we know that His governing of all things for His glory and to accomplish His purposes also includes our good! Oh the good news of the Gospel for pathetic men that are called to attempt great things for the Kingdom of God! HE is working, HE is governing, HE is faithful, HE is not anxious, so we can step out boldly and can seek to be faithful and be free from worry because He has proven Himself trustworthy.

How am I going to respond in light of this amazing truth to the perilous flushing? Did I curl up in a ball on my bed, cry and suck my thumb? Did I shake an angry fist at God? Nope. I went the next day, told the Verizon dude what was up, bought a new cell phone and went on with life as usual. Booyah, anger, worry, and fear!

KNOXVILLE, Tennessee (AP) — A local blogger is in critical condition after being thrown under the bus by 3 of his fellow bloggers. When asked about the incident, Squatty (amidst tears and weeping) replied, “I didn’t even see it coming.”

On October 19th at 8:10 am, Squatty posted a simple introduction so as to kill his own pride. Within a matter of hours, Walt Alexander, Kevin Shipp, and Jonathan Oldacre proceeded to toss Squatty under the bus. These three “men” are at this moment being investigated by local authorities. Most people believe that their blogging histories will be their down fall and that justice will prevail. One person was quoted as saying:

This is horrible. At first I thought [Jonathan] Oldacre was sticking up for Squatty by pointing out that Kevin didn’t post on his day at all, but then Jonathan accuses Squatty of not posting appropriately for his day when Jonathan didn’t post any real content on Monday either…simply appalling.

Some wonder, “Where is Todd in all of this? Doesn’t he also post on Thursdays?” Still others wonder about Jonathan Oldacre’s suggestion of a topic idea.

With so much blatant anger against one person, can Manspeak survive? Will Mike Plewniak have to lay down the law? Is it manly to throw people under a bus? Who cares about Ninja Turtles? Will Walt ever be funny or an actor?

---

Real cute, guys. It was as if my post was a reply to all email. you’re right Kevin “this is a blog.” Therefore, why are all of the comments from people who post on the blog? Have patience my manly members. Plus, all you guys did was further prove how unqualified I am. Finally, for those who don’t know us, we are not in any way angry with each other, except at Walt.