Manspeak

In response to Kevin’s unfortunate incident of flushing his cell phone down the toilet, Oldacre proposed this:

“I propose a Man Law: If it goes in the bowl, don’t chase it down the hole.”

ok, what about the all too familiar “guy who wears a real tight/ you could use it for a coffee filter t-shirt.” Is that masculine to have the ol’ pit hairs free to roam?

what’s the rule about guys wearing pink shirts?

What about guys who think they need to wear speedos for non-competitive swimming? (SHUDDER)

What about reading directions? You know, like reading the disclaimer, before posting something about speedos!

Who would do such a thing!?!

My roommate, Jon Kelfer, suggested that we have a tickle contest in place of a burping contest. Is this manly? Also, in an unrelated vein, can a man’s favorite movie be a “chick flick?”

Wow, there’s a lot of legislation that needs to happen here!

Pink Shirt–”If you wear a pink shirt, you gonna get the hurt!”

Speedos–….hmmm…not sure about this one. I would be inclined to say “If you wear the Speedo, don’t let nobody know.”

Directions– I mean, come on. Men have been using their innate sense of direction finding for centuries.

“Tickle Me” Kelfer–You are in a dangerous place my friend. You’re on the knife-edge of a slippery slope toward being a sissy. I charge those in your household to not let this go any further.

Chick-Flick– What kind of a guys house is this!?!? Some questions don’t even need to be asked…something deep and masculine and ancient inside of you should rise up when you hear things like this. With questions like these, I think your entire household should have at least one wrestling match a month followed by hot wings and John Wayne movies. It’s like I’m babysitting my sister’s kids here…man.

My roommate marko grew up with 3 sisters, and until he moved in with me last year, he was, for all intents and purposes, one of the gals. So, what sort of male-hood initiation should he have? He’s practically a girl. You should see his favorite books! Biblical Feminity. The Contented Homemaker. Hospitality Heroines of Habbakuk. The Godly Woman’s Picture by Thomasena Watdaughter. Spiritual Submission by Jane Oswald Sanders. How to Build Gingerbread Houses That Will Impress Even Your Sister and Mother-In-Law. Those are just a few! What can we do!?!?!?!

I agree with your Coffee Man Law - ‘If it’s not Black, it must go back’.

Rodney
aka - just another brotha

Indefense of my house, the guy who’s favorite movie is a chick filick does not live in our house, but rather is named Matthew Reynolds, who happens to love the movie “Elizabethtown” so much that he proclaims it to be his favorite.

BTW: The last wrestling match in our house was promted when Kelfer shot me with a nerf gun while I was sitting on the pot. Hey, can that be a man law? Never EVER mess with a guy while he’s doing his buisiness?

Oh, also, what about guys wearing so much cologne that it makes girls sick?

I have a couple of roommates who like to dress up. Not cross dressing or anything like that, but one dressed up as a mexican, with a sumbrero and mexican blanket, and both have dressed up as roman Something has to be said to these guys! they are starting to get weird on me..anywho, what should be the man law for dressing up as other figures?..”If it ain’t you, It ain’t cool!”

I saw the man law videos for the first time on the men’s retreat. Great stuff!!

I have a quesion to propose for the makers of the manlaws. What about hair length? I mean some guys are wearing their hair way down past their shoulders while others have it short and look like they should be in a boy band (note: not a “man band”) while others shoot for the middle or go completely bald. How should men wear their hair?

In defence of the Reynolds Family name, I have tried to shape Matthew but somehow I have failed. I would try to blame it on his mother but that would only be shifting the blame away from my role of leader. I have tried to instill a sence of manlyness in my boys by watching only good manly movies; Big Jake, The Longest Day, Midway, Etc. But somehow these chickflicks keep sliding in from the Abyss.

Be on your guard men!! Fight the Good Fight!!

I propose that Cornerstone men, and all men should only be allowed to play manly sports. Too many sports have come out that do not reflect manlyness: Basketball, Baseball, Bowling, Swimming. We should be playing manly sports like football, Rugby, and hopscotch, thats right hopscotch! Im talkin about Rubgy-Hopscotch That game’ll toughin up anyone.

Paul Steele,

Care to comment on appropriate hair length for men?

Reynolds family: I’m sorry to say there’s no hope for you. Chick flicks as favorite movies, suggesting hopscotch as a masculine game, misspelling the word MANLINESS!!!??!? You guys are the very reason we started this blog. However, thanks for keeping us in business!

As for hair length, it’s a difficult issue. Some men want to make it cut and dry, but I believe there are many factors. Style of dress, weight, manliness factor, hairline. Long hair may be okay, that is if you ride a harley and wear a leather vest with nothing but your chest hair glaring beneath it. Long hair on metro men is inappropriate. But of course, overdoing hair gel is also a major problem for metro men.

Basically: “if you’re a man and you’re metro, don’t let your hair grow. If you’re a man on a harley, feel free to get burly. For a balding man, get on the “bigplew shave your head” plan.”

I think, for any man, if your hair is long enough that you have to toss your head to the side continually to get it out of the way…you’re not in a very good place masculinely speaking.

Well, first, does Richard count in the Harley exception due to his tattoos?

Secondly, in all those pictures we see everywhere, Jesus had long hair.

Thirdly long hair on men is only condemned once in the Bible, and since that translates more literally to head covering, I think guys with hats are in more trouble than long hair guys are on this point.

Fourth, a conviction about manliness is why I cut my hair in the first place.

Fifth, If I weren’t so lazy I would have cut my hair by now. But I mean, twice a year is a lot for haircuts.

That’s all my comments for now. Sorry if they disappoint you.

What about foot wear? Are sandals, flip flops, etc. considered manly?

If it flops when you walk…

If it flaps at the heel…

Perhaps someone could come up with some clever “finishing touches” to the proposed “man laws.”

Is it manly and appropriate to expose one’s toe nails and foot hair?

Gentlemen,

How about a rule concerning men who shaves his legs? We have a guy here at the PC who seems to be waffling on this issue. Is there any reason why a man should be allowed to shave his legs? Feel free to bring Mr. Kittrell in on this.

thanks,

Nick Swan

Aw, Swannie-

You weren’t supposed to reveal our class’s “dirty little secret”…

Jeff

I think with all authority, the Manspeak Council of Men hereby strips the title of “Man” from the aforementioned “leg shaver.” Jeff, I’m afraid things like that cannot and should not remain hidden for too long. As an addendum, I think some PC class discipline would be in order. My good friend, Mike Plewniak, once told me of a certain individual who decided to wear a PINK shirt to class…long story short, he was forced to hand over the shirt, and it was burned. ‘Nuf said.

Any way we could get some Man Law shirts or other forms of apparel??

What has our society come to? We assumed some man laws need not be stated….and now we have questions of leg shaving for men and pink shirts? Is all hope lost?

I recommend manly bootcamp for these “wo”men: Read “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood”, eat a 96 ounce steak topped with chili, and then buffalo wings for dessert and breakfast. Do set-up at your church for at least 6 months without complaining, belch the alphabet, complete a whopper mile (eating a whopper between each lap of running a mile), and top it all off with some Charles Spurgeon sermons to his students on biblical manhood.

In drastic times drastic measures must be taken.

Let’s make some t-shirts with Mr. Shastid’s face on the front (the guy from the end of the videos if you didn’t know his name) and we could put a different manlaw on the back of each shirt.

All proceeds could benefit the “Manspeak Council of Men” to fund some wing nights for us.

I second the motion for the Mr. Shastid t-shirt. On the front it should have a pic of Mr. Shastid with the caption “Because I said so!” and I agree, there should be some man laws on the back.

We could sell enough to have wings for the rest of the year…unless Travis is invited.

I have a question. What about a guy who is sitting in a restaurant with other brothers, and some classical music comes on, and he says something along the lines of, “wouldn’t it be sweet to be at a ball and be dancing to this.” I mean, yeah it might be, but do you say something like that with guys around, or even say it at all? I’m pretty stressed out about this one, please let me know how I can best serve my friend.

Nate, no stress needed, this is a no brainer….he must live on a strick diet of manvision. Football, basketball, hockey games, monter truck competitions, and top it all off with the demolition derby.

I do think you missed the immediate application: when that phrase came out of his mouth: “wouldn’t it be sweet to be at a ball and be dancing to this,” I would have immediately smacked him and followed that up with some good old-fashioned mocking for at least one hour.

Thanks a lot for the advice, I think it may do some good. More bad news though, this same brother apparently watched The Sound of Music last night, which isn’t necessarily too bad, but it was not with his mom, sisters or any other females,…it was with another guy. This one has me more distraught than the first. Maybe I need to apply the wings, wrestling, and John Wayne movie night tactic on him.

Nate, good grief. It all makes sense now…. Your friend is no man at all. I think you’ve all been duped. Your friend is merely a woman in disguise; she’s infiltrated the ranks of the PC, and it’s your job to stop her before she influences the entire movement. There’s going to be a trickle down effect if you don’t act soon!

Wow…that last line kind of read like a fortune cookie…I better get on it!

What with no-shave november in effect, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that some guys don’t have what it takes to grow a beard. Is it manly to grow a “trash-stache” or some other such monstrosity? It’s just gross to try and grow your peach fuzz long enough to call it a beard/mustache. It’s manly to be realistic.
I say, “If you can’t grow it, Don’t try and show it.”

Nice Marko, nice. Indeed, the golden scraggle has to go.

Here’s a test for all our loyal readers: The turtleneck and The ribbed shirt. Is either masculine?

What do you guys think?

Actually, Jonathan, I am wearing a ribbed turtleneck right now. It’s what filmmakers do. Hence, it is totally masculine.

Something about your logic doesn’t sit quite right there Cap…

Well then it begs the question should you be a filmmaker? I know a good construction company you could hook up with. Why can’t filmmakers wear flanel c’mon Cap push the bounds? Real quick what in the world is a key grip?

Is knitting manly? This guy says yes, but what do you guys say?

Travis, a Grip is a person responsible for the adjustment and maintenance of production equipment on the set (laying dolly tracks, building scaffolding, etc.). The Key Grip is the chief of a group of grips and often doubles as a construction coordinator and a backup for the camera crew. The Key Grip also works closely with the gaffer.

What is a gaffer, you ask? Well, a gaffer is the chief lighting technician, responsible for the design and execution of the lighting plan for a production.

Here’s a question for ya: Is it okay to sing in a high-pitched voice for fun?

If it isn’t Davis from Dishwater Blonde is a flagrant violator.

Knitting is never manly. Period.

If you sing in a high-pitched voice for fun, your days of being called a man are done.

If you’re a dude who knits….you might as well call it quits.

Real puzzler: if you get shot in the stomach with a pellet gun, how do you react?

Here is one for emotions: If you are in tune with your chick’s emotions without working at it; you are a chick

i couldnt get man law videos to play - also, i was interested in the “rap” song that was palying at the conference during the breaks and cannot seem to find it mentioned on the web sites - can you help me?

Hello+people%21p

Friends don’t let friends wear speedos, end of story.

what about the man law never soil another mans sheets

if a woman gives up her backdoor for the first time she is committed to you for the rest of her life. if you call she better come a running